Some people talk about Christianity and following God like it is the easiest, most happy-go-lucky thing all the time. They talk about all of their blessings, even about all of their challenges in the most upbeat way all the time. I can never tell if it’s because they never experience any negative emotions, if they’ve reached some uber-peaceful Christian level where nothing is difficult anymore, or if they feel like they have to always portray themselves as happy and content.
I guess it depends on the person. It could be any of the three.
I am not like that. Sure, I strive to be content in all circumstances, to always be thankful… But I’ll be honest, I’m not there yet. I can sometimes be very ungrateful. I can sometimes be stupidly negative. I obviously still need some refining. 🙂
For example… The other day I got really upset about my shower. I like showers. To me, showers are supposed to be delightful experiences where you come out feeling delightfully clean, refreshed, and frankly, pretty.
Our shower presently is much more of a very basic functional thing than a space I can pretend is a mini spa. Shaving in it? Near impossible.
A couple of weeks ago this was something that I found horribly upsetting.
I was standing there, trying to shave, either killing myself by trying to balance or freezing to death because of the way I had to have the shower curtain – and I started crying. Seriously. Crying. Things weren’t going my way, and I was apparently going to be a big baby about it.
I thought to myself, I move away from my family, give up a stable financial situation, all because it’s what God wanted me to do, and he can’t even give me a decent shower? I figured a decent shower was among my basic rights. I was, in that moment, feeling completely ripped off.
Yeah, because of a shower.
And then I got a glimpse of perspective.
You know those moments when you haven’t finished your plate and someone decides to make a comment about starving kids in Africa who would love to be able to eat that, how could you throw it out?
That never worked on me because my getting fatter is not really going to help kids around the world be fed. Being smarter and preparing less so your less wasteful and save money on groceries and then donate that money to help them? Sure. But once the food is already on my plate, it’s ability to help is severely diminished.
However, not recognizing the amazing blessing you have by being able to have a full plate? Grumbling and complaining about it, just being all-round ungrateful about it? That is a huge affront to the millions of people in the world who are NOT so lucky. (So is not sharing the blessing that we have – but that’s a different topic – which I myself need to get better at).
This is the thought that came to me in the middle of my shower-pout.
I was being a ungrateful selfish brat. Seriously. Even if we ignore the fact that I have hot running water available to me everyday… I am currently living quite a blessed life.
I have a great big space to live in, a wonderful husband with which to share it and my life, we both got jobs within a month of moving to a place where we were told getting a job was near impossible, and I know that I am where I am supposed to be right now, and there have been all kinds of instances in the past two months where I had no idea how things were going to work out, and they did. That’s a lot of awesome-ness to be grateful for.
Yet it’s so easy to always be wanting more instead of being happy with what we have.
Do I have everything I want? No. But really, it’s kindof niave, selfish and… Just plain stupid to be thinking that everything that I want is the point.
I guess what I’m saying is, this week I gained some perspective – and it arrived while crying in the shower with a Mach3 in my hand.
As a result of this perspective, I’m trying to see the amazing things present in my life, instead of focusing on the ever-elusive list of wants.
It may seem stupid to you, but hey, we’ve all got to start growing from somewhere, right?
Maybe one day it will become such habit I’ll be viewed as one of those creepy people who always seem happy. 🙂