Update on the Quest

It’s been almost two months since we left the church we were working at, and it’s been an interesting couple of months. More emotional than eventful, but interesting.

The biggest struggle has been with disappointment. I find myself disappointed in myself, disappointed in others, and disappointed in “church” as a whole.

I spent the first few Sundays after we resigned in bed, enjoying the comfort of my mattress and dreading the idea of ever going back to church.

The dread is slowly ebbing, helped by the church we’ve attended the past few Sundays. I don’t know that there is anything particularly special about it (except maybe for the fact that they still use overheads!) but I feel that it may be a place that I can start to heal – a place that will help me in my journey to find God in a unique way.

Growing up in the churches I did, and then working in churches there was always so much pressure on the way I should do certain things. There was a “right” way and a “wrong” way. What people expected and how I couldn’t disappoint them.

I may be fairly young – though I’m 27 already (yeesh, I remember when 27 year olds had life figured out. šŸ˜‰ ) but it wore me out.

I want the loudest voice I hear to be God’s, and I found that in some situations the more I pursued that the more nervous and uneasy those around me got. I wasn’t even doing anything crazy, they just seemed concerned I would upset the status quo.

Well, now I’m on a quest TO upset the status quo. No one else’s but my own, but still. I’m not pursuing change simply for the sake of change, I’m just so tired of blahness, of feeling like our own personal rules and traditions were more important than God’s will.

So, I’m on a journey to find his will. I have a feeling I’m going to make some mistakes along the way….

Thing is, at this point, I’m kindof excited about the mistakes. Er… Scratch that. They will probably hurt, and I’m not a big fan of pain… but I’m determined to no longer be scared of making them.

I’m going to run out into the wilderness looking for my Daddy-God, and if I happen to scrape my knees on my quest, I hope at the very least my enthusiasm and longing to reach him will warm his heart.


I Quit

Today marks my last day at the church we moved to Thunder Bay to help out at…. I’ m experiencing mixed feelings about it.

Mostly glad, as I definitely believe it was time to move on, a little sad because I am going to miss the people, and, a little scared because I’m back to not knowing what the next step is.

There is a song (by the incredibly cheesily named Superchick) that I have sympathized a lot wiith in the past few months, and I have a feeling are going to continue to resound with me. I’ll share it with you now.

She feels lost in her own life
Treading water just to keep from slipping under
And she wonders if she’s where she’s supposed to be
Tired of trying to do it right
Her dreams are just too far away to see how steps she’s making might be taking her to who she’ll be

And suddenly it isn’t what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly i am where i’m supposed to be
And after all the tears, i was supposed to be here

She feels locked in her own life
Scared of what she might lose
If she moves away from who she was
And she’s afraid of being free
There’s a way she knows is right
And she can’t feel the things she knows and so each step she’s taking
Is a step of faith towards who she’ll be

And suddenly it isn’t what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly i am where i’m supposed to be
And after all the tears, i was supposed to be here

And here where the night is darkest black
She feels the fear
And the light is farthest back
And through her tears
She can see the dawn
Its coming skies will clear
And the light will find her where she’s always been

And suddenly it isn’t what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly i am where i’m supposed to be
And after all the tears, i was supposed to be here

Random Thought: Missing the Point

It seems to me like church is dying. In a general sense. There are still some churches out there that are beating the odds… but for the most part, churches are dying.

People always try to analyze the reason, figure out new programs to introduce, or how they can invite new people, or how the pastor should talk about different stuff in his sermons…

Why do I think we are dying? Because we are missing the point. The most important thing – the POINT of Christianity is being able to live life WITH God. To be able to experience HisĀ presenceĀ – to be able to follow his leading, to do His will, and not be destroyed by our ownĀ selfishnessĀ and ignorance.

We’ve missed it though. We talk about what we can do, try to please the people sitting in the pew instead of the one the people in the pew supposedly adore.

Honestly? I think we’ve taken God out of church and replaced Him with people.

Someone was talking about their grandchild today and how they never liked going to church… the more I thought about it, the more I began to wonder… who actually experiences God when they come to church anymore? Sure, those of us who know God, who pray and meet with Him a regular basis, we can “get into” things and have a few “God moments.”

But how long has it been since someone who DIDN’T know God walked into one of our services and was blown away, not by us, but by the all-powerful, all-loving, all-knowing God??

A Wise Man: Bono

Hey guys – sorry I have been bad about updating this week – spent the week at a retreat – more to come on what I learned there later!

But, to tide you over, here is something I read this week that I REALLY liked – an excerpt fromĀ  Bono: In Conversation with Michka Assayas on The Poached Egg.

A blog I will be reading more of, and a book I now want to find.

So, here’s the link again, wise words from a guy who just happens to be a rock star and activist.


Making it Happen

So… it’s pretty easy to talk about how we need to listen to God’s voice – to talk about how as churches, we need to figure out how to be the “body” how to focus on what each of us as individuals & units where made to do/be… (See Light & Easy parts 1-4)

But how do we start to implement it?

How do we change a system where the pastor is expected to do everything – preach, provide the vision, visit the sick, provide counselling, head up all the administrative work…

Where churches, no matter the size, feel the need to have a women’s program, men’s program, seniors program, kid’s program, a thriving worship program…

How do we do this when our very system seems to suggest that the very things that God has called you to be, the gifts that He has given you, aren’t enough? When you constantly feel that you have to do more, to BE more?

I believe in the power of the church. I believe that we are the bride of Christ… I believe that the BEAUTY of the bride is not in all that she does, but in who she is, who she was created to be, and the glow that resonates from her love of her groom.

A neurotic, overworked obsessed with perfection bride? Not quite as pretty.

I just don’t know how to implement this in my life, in my work… is there any way we can work within our current system, our “heavy” system and make it “lighter”?

I’m not even talking about a major revamp – not right off the bat, I’m all for slow change – but what’s the first step?

Let me know if you have any ideas.

5 Things I Enjoyed This Week

I’ve started working on next weeks posts (looks like the topics will be fear & failure) but thought that I should put something up for you guys still (I’m enjoying the habit of posting every day), so I thought I would share with you things I have enjoyed this week:

1.Ā Stuff Christians Like I know it makes me WAY behind the times, but I actually hadn’t discovered Jon Acuff’s blog until like, Tuesday of this week. It is awesome. I don’t even know if I can pick a favorite post from this week, but I loved the line “It takes a unique potpourri of neuroses to interpret someone elseā€™s success as your own failure,” from this one – mostly because it’s definitely something I have a tendency of doing (more on that later this week) not that I completely relate to the post, since I don’t have any children and all.

2. This post on rest. Pretty self-explanatory.

3. Tim Horton’s Hearty Vegetable Soup. I wish I had taken a picture of it to share with you. I LOVE this soup. I would have a bath in this soup. After I had my bowl, I desperately wanted to go order another, and still regret not doing so. It’s pretty much the best soup in the world and, at least in the Tim Horton’s I frequent, they make it rarely. Ā I order it whenever it is possible to do so, and it makes my day/week (almost month!) every time.

4. My church’s Bible Study. We had a rocking awesome Bible Study this past Wednesday – GREAT conversation and learning from each other! I’m quite pumped to continue the journey with each other next week.

5. Ā Blogging. I forgot how much I loved this. Thank you so much those of you that have commented, and all of you out there that read silently – I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading and have been able to get even a fraction out of it that I have! Even if it is only me on this journey – it feels good.

And there you have it – 5 things I enjoyed this week – have an awesome weekend guys!!!!



First Video Blog!

Hello peoples!

So, here is my very first attempt at “vloging” hope you like it – I was a little nervous, I ramble a bit, the sound needs some work, and have never played with video editing before, but here it is – my face & voice for your viewing pleasure!

Let me know if videos are something you’d like to see more or less of – I’m on the fence about it.

Oh, and here is the scripture that I read, for the more visual than auditory ones amoung you:

Psalm 119:73-80

73 You made me; you created me.
Now give me the sense to follow your commands.
74 May all who fear you find in me a cause for joy,
for I have put my hope in your word.
75 I know, O Lord, that your regulations are fair;
you disciplined me because I needed it.
76 Now let your unfailing love comfort me,
just as you promised me, your servant.
77 Surround me with your tender mercies so I may live,
for your instructions are my delight.
78 Bring disgrace upon the arrogant people who lied about me;
meanwhile, I will concentrate on your commandments.
79 Let me be united with all who fear you,
with those who know your laws.
80 May I be blameless in keeping your decrees;
then I will never be ashamed.